lazer: Vaga looking depressed (Sad or depressed.)
[personal profile] lazer
Well I woke up at almost exactly 6AM. My Niquill had worn off and it felt like someone was attempting to shove a large log up my nose, splintering with each shove. These are the times when all I want in life is my S/O here, then nothing else would matter. So they can wrap their arms around me and let me bury my face in their chest and whine and be miserable on them. Haha. I want my hair petted and my back rubbed and my medicine given to me like a little kid so I don't have to feel so responsible, I can just be sick and tired and not have to be a grown up. I want to curl up in a bed with their body heat beside me, it's so cold and lonely in this big ol' bed all by myself. My stuffed animals are nice to fill my arms, but they don't fill my void. When will things get better? When can we be together without the world judging our every move. I just want to be held and loved and warm and comforted. A little relief comes in that bottle of medication, but never comfort, and that is what I need the most when I am sick.

 Maybe these things seem selfish, maybe they are selfish, I don't care. The niquil and nasal decongestant can't hug me and tell me it will be okay. It can't make me feel important even when all I really feel like is crawling under a rock and dying. Those medications won't pat my back when I cough, or bring me my orange juice or make me soup or give me that loving, sad look, when I look extra miserable. So yeah, maybe I'm a selfish child on the inside, but I'm okay with that. I think we all have a little selfish child inside of us demanding to be taken care of when we need it the most.

I'm going to crawl back in bed now and try to get some more sleep. I have to work tomorrow evening but at least it is a short shift. I will write about my day when I get home from work.

~Lazer

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lazer

December 2009

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